


A Wooooorld of Pure Imagination

by flammablehat



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Food Sex, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Sex and Chocolate, Team Gluttony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-21
Updated: 2009-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-23 14:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flammablehat/pseuds/flammablehat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yeah Roald Dahl, I went there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Wooooorld of Pure Imagination

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2009 Summerpornathon food challenge.

  
“Health inspector’s ‘ere,” said Bartholomew’s scratchy voice over the intercom. Merlin jerked, disrupting the sit of his top-hat as he leapt up from his half-chair in a bit of a panic.

“Distract him?” he said, casting about for his pocket watch and adjusting his bowtie, all with one eye on his half-clock ticking away the seconds.

“Done and done,” said Bartholomew, buzzing out.

***

When Merlin finally made it downstairs, his clothing in a more acceptable state after a quick press, he found the inspector hovering near the front doors.

“I am terribly sorry about the wait,” he apologized, swinging his cane in nervous little figure-eights at his feet.

“Your foreman informed me you were indisposed. It’s perfectly alright,” the inspector said, with an odd little hesitation at the mention of Bartholomew. “If I may inquire, is the green hair standard for your workers?”

Merlin paused, frowning. “I’m pretty sure it’s natural. I never thought to ask. Anyway, I’m Merlin.”

“Arthur P.,” Said the inspector, holding out his hand.

“Shall we begin?” Merlin smiled hesitantly.

“Lead on,” Arthur P. replied, grim. He shifted a clipboard beneath one arm and slid a fine ballpoint from his suit-jacket pocket. Seeing these, Merlin swallowed and led on.

***

“I’m quite excited to be sharing this with you, Mr. P – you see, we haven’t had visitors to the inventing room since… well, not for a very long time,” Merlin said, walking ahead and encompassing the entirety of the hissing, burping, buzzing room with a wide sweep of his cane.

“I’m honored,” Arthur muttered, but he only had eyes for his clipboard and the sharp notations he was making there.

“Our last inspector didn’t care much for onsite visits,” Merlin explained apologetically.

“Not a boat man, I presume?” Arthur asked dryly, referring to their unorthodox means of transport into the depths of the factory. Before Merlin could reply, Arthur gestured to a placidly clicking silver podium with his pen. “What’s this?”

“Oh!” Merlin grinned, demonstrating an alarming ability to shift moods mid-sentence, “This is the mint minter. We’re pressing some new Excite-Mints, though I still have some work to do on the recipe. They’re the first in our line of mood enhance-mints, but so far they haven’t had much of an effect on our testers. Would you like to try one?”

“I’m afraid that’s not within protocol,” Arthur hedged, eyeing the innocent white capsule in Merlin’s innocent white-gloved palm.

“They’re not dangerous,” Merlin insisted, looking hurt. Following a brief inner struggle and a surreptitious glance around (as though to check for witnesses to his breach of conduct), Arthur accepted his mint, waiting only until Merlin had swallowed one himself to follow suit.

For the first fifteen minutes, it tasted, incongruously, like the most fantastic peaches Arthur would ever wrap his tongue around.

***

In the seconds immediately following those first fifteen minutes, Arthur struggled valiantly with his collar before succumbing to the insane need to tumble Merlin onto his candy grass, only to find Merlin’s mouth open and waiting for him and tasting, inexplicably, of hazelnut and chocolate.

“ _Off_ ,” Arthur gasped, licking and biting a mindless path down Merlin’s creamy neck, hearing treacle-thick whines of need through Merlin’s throat more than his mouth as Arthur tore at the placket of his trousers. “What’s—happening?” he had just enough presence of mind to groan.

Merlin thrashed, melting sugar leaving green lash marks of sticky sweetness across his ears and face, their cocks grinding together on what felt like every third attempt at contact. “The mints,” he whimpered, bucking when Arthur forcibly spread his legs and settled between them. “I never thought— _oh_ —to have human testers,”

“What?” Arthur said, still capable of mustering a reasonable amount of incredulous outrage with his hands buried in another man’s pants. “ _What_?”

“Yes, yes—ah! _Nnghyes_!” Merlin cried, twitching and trembling and spilling all across his bared stomach and chest. Unable to help himself, Arthur dove to lick every drop of release from the platter of Merlin’s body, and was monumentally unsurprised to come away tasting chocolate and hazelnut.

***

“I’ve received a citation!” Merlin stared, crestfallen, at the yellow and white slip in his hands.

“You _did_ have sex on almost every product in the chocolate room,” Bartholomew shrugged, puffing on his cigar. “Not exactly within code. Who’s your follow-up?”

“Why,” Said Merlin wonderingly, “It’s Mr. P himself…”

Bartholomew gave a wise nod, short legs propped on Merlin’s desk and craggy orange face creased in a knowing grin.


End file.
